These first 10 sentences are from ONE website! As you edit, don’t forget my…enthusiasm…for sentences with more than one mistake in them.
1) We have design immersive environments for clients such as Getty Images, ADOBE, Microsoft, BMI, Ford to name a few.
(That was on the homepage.)
Gee, do you mean “designed”?
2) XYZ, president and founder of ABC, is as an entertainment industry connector at the intersection of content and technology.
(That was on the founder’s bio!)
It’s incredible to me that no one seems to read his or her writing before publishing! How can this be allowed to happen?
3) Later on, in a visionary role, he directed Qwest Communications to leverage the power of the rising internet and launch Qwest “anywhere anytime” digital media and entertainment practice signing up major record companies, TV networks, and media organizations including NBC, CBS, EMI, Sony as well as sports’ teams like the Giants.
(So was that!)
Incredible. What a hot mess! And discussing a “visionary role,” too! First off, that should be “Qwest’s.” Then there’s some pretty indecipherable prose (should there be a comma after “practice”? I mean, I’m clueless), and what’s that apostrophe doing in “sports”? I’ll tell you what: you look like all kinds of a fool when you drop names like these—the highest of high-profile clients—and you publish this sort of content.
4) A trusted advisor to the media and entertainment industry, he presides over several media and entertainment think-tank and produces executive briefings summits for a selected group of media and tech executives.
I wouldn’t trust this self-proclaimed advisor to give me his opinion about anything! (Though I do love sentences with more than one mistake in them!) Okay, “think-tank” should be plural, and, what, pray, is a “briefings summits”?
5) He is currently an associate member of NARAS (Grammys.) and a member of the Austin Chamber of Commerce.
What’s that period doing in those parentheses?
6) We have our feet on the ground in every major markets as well as participate in global conferences such as Midem, MIPTV, MIPCOM, NAB, Asia TV Forum, NATPE, CES, Music Matters Asia and selected industry seminars and summits.
Suggestion: We have our feet on the ground in every major market and participate in global conferences, such as Midem, MIPTV, MIPCOM, NAB, Asia TV Forum, NATPE, CES, Music Matters Asia, as well as selected industry seminars and summits.
However, “feet on the ground” is awkward, in addition to being such a cliché! (Did he or she mean “boots on the ground”? No matter, that’s still a cliché.)
7) We provide business development, marketing, around conferences-ShowPLUS-and one-on-one meetings with c-level executives
What’s “ShowPLUS” doing smack dab in the middle of that sentence? And if you did want to put it there, use dashes, not hyphens! Last thing: When you join a single letter and another word with a hyphen, capitalize the letter, e.g., T-shirt, X-ray, U-boat, A-frame, and, yes, C-level.
8) With over a decade of experience in trade-show management, our team will provide your with an an added-value package within your budget, with premium visibility and a superb ROI.
Two mistakes in one sentence! “Your” should be “you,” and there’s a double-clutch with “an” (which would have been discovered if the author had just put his or her writing through Word).
9) Your target market-we mine the database and and match it with our 2000+ VIP listing, make introductions and facilitate one-on-one meetings.
Double-clutch with “and.” Plus, I would have wanted to see a dash there, not a hyphen.
10) Please contact us so we have the opportunity to go in great details on how we add value and that can benefit your company.
I hardly think that contacting you would benefit me! Okay: it’s “detail,” not “details,” and take out “that.” Even then, the whole sentence needs to be rewritten. Very bad writing all around.
Whew, enough from that site! Imagine hiring that team! Here are some more gems from assorted “professionals.”
11) Drawn to the area to study art at UMass, she sites both the thriving artistic community and the affordable cost of living as her reason for not moving to a more traditional art hub like NYC after graduation.
I think you meant “cites,” not “sites.”
12) If you would like to register to receive the GrammarTip newsletter by e-mail, fill in your email address in the box to the left.
Grammar tip: Don’t use two spellings of one word in a single sentence.
13) This is the most important thing about the list: Don’t write down things you *want* to do next week, right down what you *will do* next week.
An asterisk is not proper here. You can’t just make up stuff.
14) Dr Sanjay Khurana, a spinal surgeon, told NBC4 he “did a brief exam and smelled the fuel and didn’t want it to ignite”.
This is from an AMERICAN website, so put a period after “Dr.” and a period inside those quotation marks.
15) Paramedics found Ford to be “alert and conscious” and suffering “moderate trauma”, Patrick Butler, the Los Angeles assistant fire chief, told a press conference at the scene.
I’d rewrite this, but, nonetheless, commas always go inside quotation marks.
16) In fact, the father of our country, George Washington, at one time also felt very disappointed in the direction of our newly-formed nation and was not afraid to state it.
Horrible sentence, and compounded by the hyphenated —ly adverb.
17) As a provider of the world’s finest aligator goods we are happy to recieve your feedback and answer any questions you may have.
No excuse for misspelling your product line (or, in this case, the source of your product line), and, never forget the old adage: “I before E, except after C,” which I thought everyone knew. BOTH of these misspelled words would have been caught by Word. Why aren’t people using that simple tool to prevent themselves from looking like idiots?
18) Your Advanced Plan is comprised of six elements and is offered at no additional charge to you.
No, no, no. See my “Commonly Misused Words” post about “comprise” and “compose.” Small things comprise a large thing; large things are composed of small things.
19) The marketing team are very proud that they have helped so many clients achieve amazing results through implementing an inbound marketing approach.
“Team” is a collective noun. It’s singular. The team “is” proud that “it has” helped.
20) A big idea is a simple and concise visual motif that says everything that need be said.
A “big idea” says everything that NEEDS to be said.
21) The YEC is an invite-only organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs.
That old compose versus comprise thing again. All those promising entrepreneurs, languishing in ignorance….Pretty, um, yec-y, wouldn’t you say?
22) For check payments or to receive an invoice or purchase order, please call 888-602-3270 or e-mail is at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Email: drop the hyphen. And, it should be “us,” not “is.”
23) ABC, global online marketing manager, now uses our software everyday.
Wow, oh, wow! The “global” online marketing manager uses your software every day? Is that what you meant?
24) They leverage their clients scheduled events to attract visitors to the client’s website.
Where’s that first apostrophe in client’s?
Remember Hill Street Blues? What did that sergeant say before dismissing the troops?
“Let’s be careful out there!”
Need help with content editing? Please give EditNATION.com owner Liz Coursen a call at 941-706-2463.